I feel like I'm on the pinnacle of change in my life. This is somewhat ironic since I've been experiencing life-altering changes the past three years. First, we moved out of state for a job opportunity which was presented to my husband. I went through a period of determined unemployement where I took a part-time job and worked my butt off to be the best damn book selling employee there was. I suffered a miscarriage, was hired into full-time employment at a large organization and got pregnant again (withing 2 months). Then of course I experienced what it was like to carry a baby full-term, give birth and be a mother to little boy. A few months after my son was born we bought our first house. Now he's about to turn one and internally I keep feeling like something big is about to happen.
What more could there be?
Financially, life has been a struggle this past year. I wouldn't change any of what led us to this point though. We have to pay for daycare, formula and diapers, but guess what, we have a son! Never could I ever consider for a moment gaining that money back and not having him in our lives.
Purchasing this house was harder on us than we expected. It was a foreclosure, and though it was a great value for the space, it took all of our savings and then some to put in a down payment to prove that we could afford it. Additionally, the previous owners took everything with them and left the house with no appliances and in general disrepair. So, we're slowly turning it into a home. I do not regret our decision to buy though. We're in a way better living situation than we've ever experience before. Now, more than ever, as parents, we need a safe clean place to live.
My car died. The same car that was given to me by my Great Aunt before she passed, which I used since college. The car that got me to my first job outside of DC, day in and day out. It took me back to see my then fiance and family every other weekend from Maryland to Pennsylvania. The car that I affectionately called "Bertha" after my Aunt and poured thousands into keeping it operating. Sometimes you get to a point where the cost of the repairs is not worth the life of the car. We got to that point. I'm okay with it. For as perfect as it was for my needs as a young twenty-something, it wasn't going to be the best family car. Now I have a used SUV that has four-wheel drive for getting over the mountains in the snow so I can get to work, it's large trunk is perfect for Jake's stroller, diaper bag, groceries, etc. Most importantly, it's a very safe "family vehicle." I don't regret buying it.
But now we're in debt with college loans, medical bills, car payments, utilities and mortgage, along with all of the smaller bills that add up.
Something's got to give.
So yes, I feel that change is coming. Maybe a new job... a part time job... something. I'm determined again and I'm looking. I will not be stopped. I see a problem and I solve it. Right now there's a giant puzzle in front of me that is weighing heavily on my mind and body. I will put it together. I just need to keep reminding myself that there's got to be a solution, I just need to find it.
Change is good.